Shitty little post

Some weeks are shitty. And I just lived through a shitty week. Monday this week was already giving me all the signs I needed to understand I would have to give in and accept the failure that was ahead of me. I was so busy, running in circles, having to juggle more responsibilities than my fingers could count. By Wednesday I was acting like a chicken with its head cut off. Thursday and Friday are a blur. There was not a drop of creative energy left in my body. Corporate America took it all from me in 5 days. 

Saturday was necessarily slow. I repotted plants and did other home chores. And then today, Sunday, I woke up and decided I wanted to bake focaccia and carrot cake (per my husband's request). Baking might be considered a chore for some people, but for me baking is reconnecting to someone deep down in my soul.

During the months I lived with my parents in 2020, what kept me sane was cooking and baking. I would prepare so much during the weekend and then bake a bread almost daily. I cooked for my parents, for me (vegetarian options) and three times a week I would also cook for a family. At my parent's kitchen, I was a bread scientist - experimenting with different combinations and eventually failing. After 2020, I moved from Brazil to a new country, lived in other people's houses for 2 years and then worked my head off for another 2. Recently I realized I could choose to bake again; I can be a bread scientist again. 

In the past few months, I've baked so much and enjoyed so many audiobooks while I did it. Today was the same. I was in my own world, finishing a silly romance novel and baking bread. 

Tomorrow is Monday and a new week is starting, and this time I am not going to let my corporate job take my soul away again. The same way I chose to write this post after deliberately deciding not to, I can choose to not let my past week's failure become the truth for the one that is to come.